商务外语论坛

商务信函的英文书写规则(4)

“简洁”是有客观标准的。虽然西方国家的作者之间在怎样用词才算“简洁”方面还是有争论的，不过他们的一些看法还是有一定参考价值的。
　　现在把他们所做的某些词句的“不简洁”的比较列在下面做参考：

不简洁 简洁
enclosed herewith enclosed
enclosed you will find enclosed is
please be advised that (four wasted words)
please don''t hesitate to call upon us please write us
please feel free to write prior to please write before
this is to advise you (five wasted words)
under separate cover separately
a long period of time a long time
continuous and uninterrupted continuous (or uninterrupted)
during the year of 1971 during 1971
endorse on the back of this check endorse this check
for a price of $300 for $300
grateful and appreciative grateful(or: appreciative)
immediately and at once immediately (or: at once)
in(for) the moment of $400 For $400
in the city of Chicago in Chicago
according to our records we find
at this time now
due to the fact that because
during the time that while
for the purpose of for, to
for the reason that since(or; because)

下面是某些作者认为“应该用”和“不应该用”的：

不应该用 应该用
Averting to your favor Referring to your letter
Re (your letter) or
The writer wishes to acknowledge Thank you for your letter

We are in receipt of We have received
We beg to acknowledge We are writing to inform you
We have to acknowledge
We beg to inform you

We beg to thank you We thank you
Your letter to hand We have received your letter
Yours to hand


　　怎样才能使商业书信“简洁”？ 西方国家作者有很多建议，先介绍如下：

　　（一）避免使用陈旧的商业术语

　　陈旧的与传统的商业术语（Commercial jargon）对信的内容没有什么作用，应该避免使用。

例一：

Wordy: We wish to acknowledge receipt of your letter of November 14 with the check for Stg.10 enclosed and wish to thank you for same.

Concise: We appreciate your letter of November 14 and the check for Stg. 10 you sent with it.

例二：

Wordy: We take liberty to approach you with the request that you would be kind enough to introduce to us some exporters of cotton textiles in your cities.
Would you please introduce to us some exporters of cotton textiles in your city?

Concise: (a) Please introduce to us some exporters of cotton textiles in your city.
(b)Would you please introduce to us some exporters of cotton textiles in your city.


　　（二）要长话短说，避免罗嗦

　　通常商业人士每天需要阅读大量的书信，对开门见山，长话短说，直接切题的信特别欢迎。因此，写信要力求长话短说，例如：

不要写 应写作
Please see that an enquiry is conducted to determine the reason. Please find out the reason.
We express our regret at being unable to fulfil your order on this occasion. We are sorry we cannot meet your present order.

　　要使用简洁的语言，有可能的话，尽量使用单词来代替某些娇柔做作的短语如：
Will you be good enough to-----------------------------Please
Come to a decision----------------------------------------decide
Express a preference for---------------------------------prefer
For the reason that----------------------------------------because

　　删去不必要的形容词，如下列句子中的形容词或副词删去后并不影响句子的原意：
The proposal is under (active) consideration.
The answer is (definitely) correct.
I would (rather) think the fare is too high.
The (true) facts are as stated

　　（三）要注意每句句子的长短
例如：
　　"We would like to know whether you would allow us to extend the time of shipment for twenty days, and if you would be so kind as to allow us to do so, kindly give us your reply by cable without delay."

　　这句话过分“客气”，使句子过长而不清楚。内容要求对方同意延期交货20天，一般情况下，应尽可能提出延期到那一天的具体日期。这句话可压缩为：

　　"Please reply by telegram immediately if you will allow us to delay the shipment until April 21."(如同意我们把交货延期到四月二十一日，请电复。)

　　有的作者为了使人们记住避免使用陈旧的商业术语，专门选择了一些他认为陈旧的商业术语搞成一首诗：

We beg to advise and wish to state
That yours has arrived of recent date.
We have it before us, its contents noted;
Herewith enclosed are the prices we quoted.
Attached please find, as per your request,
The data you wanted; and not let us suggest
Your order be sent, and not held unduly,
We beg to remain, yours most truly.

商务信函的英文书写规则(5)

Courtesy译成“礼貌”。但是根据西方国家函电书籍作者普遍的看法，所谓Courtesy是“客气而又体谅人”的意思。有的人还把Courtesy和Politeness这两个同义词做了比较，认为：Politeness的客气只是表现在文章的语句上，而Courtesy则表现在对对方的“体谅”，例如：
Polite
a) We have received with many thanks your letter of Oct.7, and we take the pleasure of sending you latest catalog. We wish to draw your attention to a special offer, which we have made in it.
Courtesy
b) You will be particularly interested in a special offer on page 5 of the latest catalog enclosed, which you requested in your letter of Oct. 7.

　　怎样通过各种语言形式来表达Courtesy呢？这样的形式很多，现在提供一些常见的供参考：

　　（一） 把命令变成请求的常用形式：

Please, Will you…….., Will you please……..,如：
a) Will you give us more detailed information on your requirement?
b) Will you please (kindly) let us hear from you on these two points?

　　（二） 虚拟式（Past Subjunctive From）如：

a) Would you compare our sample with the goods of other firms?
b) We would ask you to ship the goods by the first available vessel.
c) We wish you would let us have your reply soon.
d) This would seem to confirm our opinion.
e) We should be grateful if you would help us with your suggestion.
f) We think if advisable that you should accept this offer at this price.
g) We should(would) like you to let us know the exact amount.
h) Perhaps you might like to have a look at the actual goods.
i) We might be of some service to you in a similar case.

　　以上的b, f, g, 也可用 will, shall, may, 但是用Past Subjunctive Form则表示更客气和婉转些。

　　（三） 缓和用法（Mitigation）

　　为了缓和过分强调或刺激对方，常用:We are afraid, we would say, we may(or, might) say, we(would) think, it seems(or would seem) to us, we(would) suggest, as you are (or: may be) aware, as we need hardly point out等等表达法来缓和语气，如：

a) It was unwise of you to have done that.
　 We would say that it was unwise of you to have done that.
b) You ought to have done it.
　 It seems to us that you ought to have done it.
c) We cannot comply with your request.
　 We are afraid we cannot comply with your request.
d) Our products are the very best on the market.
　 We might say that our products are the very best on the market.
e) You must keep the matter to yourselves.
　 You must, we would add, keep the matter to yourselves.
f) You must cut off your order in half
　 We would suggest that you cut your order in half.

谢谢你!写得真好!

great

谢谢，好全面啊！

good.

确实如此啊

太妙了

good, good! Thanks a lot

Thank you